I have an important announcement! ‘Hot Girl Summer’ is out and ‘Relaxed Girl Summer’ is in! But you’re probably wondering how you can make this your most relaxing summer yet.
First, let’s start by defining the word relaxed. Being relaxed is not the same as being careless. You’re not suddenly aloof to how your life is going. Being relaxed is more like a flow state—a state of trusting how your life is unfolding. The good, the bad, and even the confusing.
Conversely, the opposite of relaxed is stressed, wound-up, or worried. It’s when your nervous system is in fight-or-flight mode. Because of this, your body doesn’t feel safe. This can show up as tension throughout the body or in various ways.
Relaxation Explained by Science
There are two parts to your autonomic nervous system, the parasympathetic and the sympathetic. Both are equal players.
The parasympathetic is in charge of relaxing the body and systems. This is the state needed for resting at night or properly digesting after a meal. The sympathetic nervous system is in charge of the fight-or-flight response previously mentioned. It signals to your body when there is stress or potential danger in your environment.
When the parasympathetic nervous system is working properly it regulates the nervous system by telling the body what is actually going on. It clarifies whether or not you’re actually in danger and brings it back to a normal state.
Some long-term benefits of harmonizing these two systems:
- Reduce the risk of heart disease
- Reduce the risk of stroke
- Reduce symptoms of a dysregulated nervous system
- Boost metabolism(4)
A Dysregulated Nervous System
When your autonomic nervous system is sympathetic dominant, it means your nervous system is dysregulated. Morgan Hubbel, a family therapist, believes a dysregulated nervous system looks different for each person. But here are some common symptoms.
- Increased heart rate
- Anxiety
- Nausea
- Feeling stuck
- Sweating
- Feeling overwhelmed or overstimulated
- Difficulty focusing
If you are feeling any of these, it may signify a sympathetic dominance in your nervous system. Of course, this article doesn’t replace medical advice or counseling. Always seek a care provider when needed, especially if any of these symptoms become a constant.
5 Ways to Be More Relaxed This Summer
After all, summer is a season for sunshine and endless days, giving you more space for the things you love to do.
To better embrace this season, here are some simple ways to be more at ease.
1. Regulate the Nervous System
Learning how to self-regulate your nervous system is crucial because, “it’s only when we are in our most regulated state that we can feel safe, calm, connected, and social with others,” says Dr. Ben Paxton.
Here are some simple ways to find a balance between the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous systems.
- Taking Deep, Long Breaths
It may not be groundbreaking to suggest taking deep breaths when you’re overwhelmed. But it works and it works in both the long and short term.
A research team at the University of Arizona conducted a study giving half of the participants with SKY Breathing exercises and the other half a workshop on cognitive skills. They found that “SKY Breathing was more beneficial in terms of immediate impact on stress, mood, and conscientiousness, and these effects were even stronger when measured three months later. (6)”
- Moving Your Body
Another way to regulate your nervous system is by getting into your body. Going for a walk, stretching, gardening, practicing yoga, or riding a bike are great ways to connect with yourself and your breath.
For more self-love practices, click here.
- Grounding
Grounding means putting your feet in direct contact with the Earth. “Research has found that grounding can improve inflammation, free radical damage, blood pressure, sleep quality, pain, stress, mood, and wound healing.” (7)
2. Set Boundaries Around Your Time
You don’t owe anyone your time and energy. It’s yours to decide how you use it.
Still, setting boundaries can feel really scary at first, especially if you never had a healthy model of this in your life. However, communicating your boundaries and needs is your job. Unfortunately, no one else can do this for you.
Here are some common areas where boundaries around your time are necessary:
- with work
- with friends and family
- with habits
When setting boundaries first acknowledge that it’s not selfish to have boundaries. In fact, it’s actually a sign of kindness—kindness to yourself and to others.
For example, your boss keeps asking you work questions via email over the weekend. This is making you feel anxious and it’s hard to enjoy time with your family. You may need to set a boundary, which can be done either verbally or silently.
When setting a verbal boundary, communicate your needs from a regulated nervous system. The silent version looks like you just no longer replying to emails after hours. Over time, your boss begins to know that you don’t answer on the weekends.
By saying no to the things that you don’t want to spend your time doing, you’re saying yes to the things you want to do.
3. Make Space for Your Personal Desires
This summer, a big question to ask yourself is what your ideal summer looks like!
It’s easy to get caught in other people’s ideas of the perfect summer. Moreover, it’s brave and rewarding to ask yourself what it is that you’d like to do or see this season. It can be something big or small. It doesn’t matter how it looks as long as it’s right for you.
Once you have your desire identified, the next step is to make space for them to come to life. For example, maybe you really want to finish a book. Instead of watching TV each night, you decide to read before bed.
Create the space instead of waiting for it.
4. Notice Worried Thoughts
We can’t just stop worrying, especially if it’s something you’ve been doing for 20+ years. It’ll take time to slow down the momentum of your mind. Being aware of your pattern is the first step. When you notice worry surfacing, have compassion for yourself.
Ask if what you’re worried about is something within your immediate control. Is it someone else’s responsibility? Is it something in the future or from the past?
If there is something you can do right now, make space to take action but many times that’s not the case. So we’re asked to let go a little more.
Likely your body is in a stressed state when you’re feeling worried. This brings us back to regulating the nervous system. Try one of the above exercises to return to a normal state.
5. Stop Doing It On Your Own
When you begin making shifts in your life, whether internal or external, it may feel like it’s all on your shoulders.
From an evolutionary perspective, human beings are social creatures and thrive in both giving and receiving support. But sometimes past experiences told us that it’s not safe to trust others. The subconscious mind forms beliefs in order to keep you safe from being hurt again.
However, if you are never open to trusting others, you’ll miss out on receiving the love and support that you innately crave. This quote by Rumi is one of my very favorites and illustrates this well.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
—Rumi
Not doing this alone means having a support system in your life. This can consist of friends, family members, colleagues, groups, therapists, and coaches. There are so many people waiting to support you.
If you’re tired of doing this alone and you want to make this your most relaxing summer yet, book your discovery call today.